literature

I'm sorry

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It was a few days after Eva had spoken with her brother and told him how she had been feeling about her relationship with Colton, and since then, it had been on her mind almost all the time. She knew she had to do it. The more she thought about the secrets she was keeping from him, the more guilty she felt. And the more she thought about how the man should be there for her, the lonelier she felt.

She had to do it. She had to tell him the truth.

She had found Ariel a few days before around the camp, and she pulled her aside and told her that if she saw Colton, to send him to her tent.

A couple days later, Colton finally showed up to her tent.

Valentine’s day. She had woken up only an hour ago that morning.

He had an apron on, as per usual around his waist, and found Eva in the process of sewing together a new jacket out of some sort of black fur. There were scraps of red fur on the ground, it looked like it was from some sort of wolf.

“Hey Eva,” Colton greeted, giving her a gentle kiss on her cheek, finding it wary around the tent without the mightyena around, “Ariel said ya wanted ta see me? Somethin’ wrong?” He asked as he sat down next to his girlfriend on her bed.

Eva lowered her hands and the one sleeve that she had finished of the jacket, however she didn’t look up from the fur, “No, nothing’s really wrong… just wanted to talk…”

“Oh…” Colton mumbled, looking down at the ground and was then reminded about all the work he had to do back in the kitchen. He looked at the outfit that his girlfriend was in the process of, and he smiled faintly, “New jacket, hm? It’s black this time, not exactly yer colour,” He teased, then gently bumped shoulders with her. “What’s the occasion?”

Eva couldn’t help but smile when the man bumped her, and she tugged the thread through the two pieces of skin and fur once more, “It was the best pelt I got. I need something for the next mission.”

Colton’s smile disappeared when she mentioned the next mission, “Wait… Yer actually gonna keep fightin’? After everythin’ that’s happened ta you and yer team?”

Eva nodded, still not looking up from the fur, tugging the thread through once more, “Well, yeah, I mean I have to. And I want to, I’m not finished here yet… I still have one more plan that I think can help.”

Colton let out a small sigh, then sat up a bit and ran a hand through his hair, “Eva, Ah don’t think it’s a good idea ta go out there again! First you were captured, you almost died, and now both Chief and Tawny are gone! What more could ye possibly have up her sleeve?”

Eva let out her own sigh, sounding kind of frustrated that Colton wasn’t agreeing with her wishes, “It’s not like I can just up and leave. I’m hoping to try and get a new type of pokemon and try and avoid being in the air. I can’t fight in the air, I’m more useful on the ground.”

“But yer more likely to be killed or captured again if yer on the ground than in the air!” Colton argued, sounding worried for his girlfriend, “Ah don’t think you should do it.”

Eva gave a small huff, then she carefully set the fur and needle on the bed beside her before turning slightly to face the man a little better, “So what? I’m here to fight for this country, I should at least take more lives even if I give up my own! I can’t do anything in the air, and so what if I get captured again? They didn’t do anything to me the first time, they won’t do anything to me the second time…”

That was a lie. But she had never told Colton about the torture she had been through, for all she knew, he didn’t know about the scars on her back or the man named Alberto Dalcour. And in all honestly, her biggest fear was being captured again. But she didn’t want Colton to know that. She wanted him to believe that she was safe, and calm, and perfectly normal. Doctors had been mentioning PTSD, depression, anxiety, mental instability, and it terrified her. She didn’t want anyone she loved and cared about to have to worry about her.

This was why she had been lying to him all this time.

Colton turned a little more towards the red head as well, then paused a few moments to think. He knew it was a lie. He could see it in her eyes that the mention of prison terrified her, and he had seen the scar on her back that spelled out ALOUETTE the day they brought her unconscious body in.

“Eva… you and Ah both know that’s not true,” He said with a gentle voice, trying to reason with her. “Yer just going ta get yerself killed, and Ah know prison scared you, Ah know it was hard…”

“No, you don’t know!” Eva spat back at the man. He always said he understood, he always told her that ‘everything was fine now, it’s over’. He had no idea what she had been through! And if she told him, then he would just make matters worse. ‘It’s just a scar’, ‘it’s over now’, ‘I can help you, we should go see the medics’, ‘I think you need help’, ‘you’re clearly not well’, ‘I know it’s difficult, but I can help you’.

She didn’t want his help. She didn’t need help. She was perfectly fine on her own.

“You always say you know, but you don’t! You have no idea what it was like over there, I almost died on my way back from there, in fact, I wanted to die because the poison hurt so much!” She got up from her spot on the tent and began moving things around on the floor. She had stacks of animal pelts lying around, clothes that she needed to clean, boots scattered about. She couldn’t even look at the man without feeling like total shit. “Who cares if I die this time? It wouldn’t make a difference! Sometimes I wish I just died the first time, that way I wouldn’t have to deal with any bullshit around here, and then maybe Chief and Tawny might still be alive!”

In retrospect, her two issues with Colton contradicted. She lied and said she was fine around the man about everything that happened to her, but when he tried to help, then she shot him down telling him that he didn’t understand her.

Colton pushed himself to his feet as well, walking over to Eva, “Ah would care if ye died, yer family would care! Yer always sayin’ that nothin’ bad happened to ye, but then you go and tell me that Ah have no idea what happened over there… So which is it?”

Eva hesitated. Shit, he noticed.  She was honestly surprised that he did, considering he was never around, “Nothing… it’s nothing… nothing happened to me, I guess I’ve just been worked up from everything that happened… almost dying, Chief’s death, losing Tawny as well, I-I’ve just been kind of… all over the place…” She continued to mumble and ramble, trying to find an excuse to clean up this mess. She kept her back to Colton and aimlessly shuffled the clothes around into different piles.

There was a pause. Nothing but the sound of the moving garments of clothing. Colton watched the back of Eva carefully, knowing what scar was tainting her skin. After a few moments, he sighed, then knelt down next to Eva, and put his hand on her back gently. It was obvious she wasn’t going to tell him about it. Not now, and not any time soon.

“Eva…” He started, the hand on her back not making her wince. “Ah know about what happened… Ah know about the scar on yer back…”

Suddenly, Eva’s train of thought and her motions hit a brick wall. She felt her heart race and her worry rise. How on earth did he know about that?! She never told him, she told the nurses not to tell him, she made sure that he would never find out!

“H-how do you know about that?” She asked as she turned towards the man, sounding betrayed, as if someone had read her diary behind her back. Literally.

“When you were brought in, Ah tried te see you, but Ah couldn’t… but the nurses unravelled yer bandages and Ah saw it…” He said, his voice soft, but almost disappointed that he had to tell her himself. “It broke ma heart te see you so broken…”

Eva’s breathing hiked up, and she pulled away from the man and the hand on her back. She stood up straight as her hands trembled, “Y-you knew?! You knew all this time?!”

Colton stood back up, expecting her to act the way she was, “Yes. Ah was waitin’ for you to tell me…” His face was fallen, disappointment was in his eyes. He now knew how she felt now when he lied to her about not being in the Navy. “Ah thought we promised no more secrets…”

Eva couldn’t believe was she was hearing. It made her sick that he knew, she never wanted this! She never wanted him to know about how damaged she was, how broken she was, how worthless she felt.

But then she realized something.

“W-wait a sec… y-you knew… all this time… but you didn’t do anything?” She asked slowly, in complete disbelief.

Colton paused. This… wasn’t exactly what he was expecting, “Well, yeah… Ah was givin’ you the chance te tell me yerself. You said you didn’t want any more promises, I wanted you te tell me first.”

Oh no. This was worse. This was much much worse than her not telling him what had happened to her.

“S-so… let me get this straight…” Eva began, her voice shaking slightly, but sounding more frustrated than before. “You knew about the scar on my back… and you knew that I had been through hell in prison… but you didn’t do anything about it, because you were waiting for me to… tell you?”

There was another pause before Colton opened his mouth once more, “Yes, like Ah said, Ah wanted you te tell me the truth so Ah could help you. We agreed to no more secrets.”

“Maybe I didn’t want to tell you!” Eva blurted out, raising her hands and then dropping them back down so the slapped her thighs in disbelief, “I didn’t want you to know, I was scared to tell you because of everything that happened to me, because you would have treated me differently or tried to get me help or say stuff like you knew what I was going through, when you didn’t! And the longer I kept them all pent up inside, the more guilty I felt because I knew I had to tell you! I knew you didn’t want to keep promises, but I didn’t know how to say it because one: you would have treated me differently, and two: even if I did have moments where I wanted to tell you, you were never around!”

Colton opened his mouth to retaliate most likely, but Eva kept on speaking, her anger rising as she started to feel extremely lonely and insulted, “B-but no! Y-you knew! You knew all this time! All this time y-you knew the truth, you knew that I was tortured, you knew that someone abused me and scarred me, you knew the hell I was suffering! B-but you did nothing! You acted as if you d-didn’t know so you could give me a chance to tell you!? D-do you know how lonely I-I’ve been? D-do you know how terrible prison was? Y-you don’t, but you knew that I was suffering! You knew that I was damaged and broken! But you never came to help me, you never visited me during the days when I was alone and afraid of solitude, you never came to hold me the nights when I-I was having nightmares o-or crying myself t-to sleep! A-and when Ch-Chief died, I n-needed you more than e-ever! But you came around only once! H-he was my best f-friend, and he d-died and I h-had no one!”

Eva was crying now, tears were running down her freckled cheeks as she was overwhelmed by so many emotions. She felt insulted, taken advantage of because he came to help her. She felt embarrassed that he knew all this time. She felt ashamed that she didn’t tell him sooner, angry that he didn’t tell her, but most importantly, she was heartbroken that he had ignored the main issue and ignored it.

She lowered her head as she let out a small sob, and Colton just stood there, completely shocked for words, trying to figure out how to fix this now as his girlfriend cried in front of him.

She crossed an arm over her chest, propping her other elbow up and lowered her forehead into her hand as she tried to calm herself down. She felt like an idiot, and probably looked like one two, “D-do you have a-any idea h-how stupid I-I feel r-right now..?”

“A-Ah…” Colton started, unsure what to say to her, “Ah wanted you te tell me yerself…”

“A-and you completely ignored me i-in the process! You waited f-for me to tell you but y-you ignored me and never came to m-me and I expected me t-to come to you about something like this?! I-I needed your help! I-I needed someone who c-cared for me a-and loved me and w-would help me! I-I was scared to tell you, I-I didn’t know how to… b-but you kn-knew anyways and let me suffer o-on my own…”

“No, Eva,” Colton stepped forward and slowly pulled her in for a hug, “Ah didn’t ignore you, Ah was busy, I have to work—“

“No!” Eva pushed Colton off of her, causing him to stumble back a bit in disbelief. “You did ignore m-me! You c-can’t say y-you were too busy t-to come see your o-own girlfriend! Your own girlfriend who was in prison and who had her best friend killed!”

There was another pause as Eva let out another small sob. Colton felt completely ashamed. He hadn’t been around in months, he knew that, but he was so busy and he had things to do and he hadn’t thought that maybe Eva needed him… “Eva… Ah’m sorry… Really, Ah want te make it up to you…”

There was another pause, and Eva wiped the tears away from her eyes. She sniffed slightly, not looking up at the man, “D-do you know what d-day it is?”

Another pause. Colton tried hard to try and think of what day it was. Their anniversary? Birthday? God he was terrible with dates, all the days just mashed together into one. Wait! That’s right! It was—

“I-It’s  Valentine’s day…” Eva answered for him after he took too long.

Colton’s head lifted and he smiled slightly, “A-Ah know! Really, A-Ah do, we’re settin’ up a big feast and got a big order today for everyone! Ah… Ah was gonna check with my boss if Ah could end early tonight so Ah could spend time with you,” He said, then reminded of all the work he had to do, now wishing he could somehow get the day off to try and make it up to his girlfriend.

Eva finished wiped her eyes away, and she sniffed once more. She gave a small sigh, then shook her head, “W-well now you don’t have to…”

Colton tilted his head slightly, “W-what do ya mean…?”

“I-I think we should break up…” Eva said, her voice a little more calm now, having settled down.

Colton’s eyes widened in disbelief, and he shook his head as he tried to reason, “N-no, Eva, please, A-Ah can fix this! I-it’s just been really busy! A-Ah want to make this work, Ah want te spend time with ya! Eva, Eh want to help you!”

“I-I’m sorry Colton…” Eva said, shaking her head once more, a few more tears coming to her eyes, “B-but you had your chance t-to help me… And honestly at this point, I-I think I can do b-better on my own th-than with you… After all, I’ve already spent all these months alone…”

“Eva, please don’t… Ah can change…”

Eva let out a small sigh, then walked over to her bed and slowly sat down, not daring to look up at the man in his face, not wanting to break out into tears once more. He was such a good man to her in the beginning. He danced with her and spoke with her and was her friend when no one else saw her. He lied to impress her and begged for forgiveness for her. He was her best friend at the camp and she could talk to him about anything. Just thinking about him six months ago made her heart flutter. And to be honest, it still did when she looked at him.

He asked her out and cared for her while she was in the medical ward, but when she was out, he disappeared. He began focusing on work and didn’t come around when she needed him the most. When she went searching for him, he was always too busy, or not around, or unavailable. She thought he was amazing, but those past few months were she needed him the most, he wasn’t around. Even when he knew full well that she needed him more than anything.

“Maybe… in some other lifetime this would have worked out…” She said faintly, a few more tears welling in her eyes, honestly wishing that things could have worked between the two, but he made it clear that he was too busy for her.

“… I think you should leave Colton… you said you had a feast to work on for tonight… I don’t want your boss to be mad at you again…”

Colton stared at her for a few moments, in utter disbelief. He couldn’t believe what just happened! He hadn’t been expecting that at all! But maybe he should have… He hung his head, his shoulders suck, and he turned around to leave her tent, “Ah’m so sorry, Eva…”

“Colton..?” Eva said, not looking up from her work, but it sounded important. It sounded like she had something else to add. The man looked over his shoulder, hope in his heart.

“Yes Eva?”

“Happy Valentine’s day,” She finished, looking up at him for the last time, unable to smile as her head fell back down to look at the fur in her hands.

Colton’s head hung, eyes sunk, and he felt his heart break. He paused, but after a few moments, he nodded his head slightly, then turned back around to head out of the tent, “Happy Valentine’s day, Eva…”

And with that, he pushed past the flaps of the tent, and headed back to the galley.

Eva didn’t look up from the fur until he was gone. She closed her eyes slowly, then clenched them tightly.

Somehow - she didn’t know how - but somehow there was a weight lifted off her shoulders. She no longer had to feel worried, lonely, or miserable when she waited and Colton didn’t come to see her.

Now, she knew he would never come back to see her.
This was made on Valentine's day and I neeeever got around to it until now ooooops
Good job Sam.

So yes, Colton and Eva are officially broken up... I know there was a huge build up between the two, but now that they were together, it wasn't going anywhere since Colton's creator is never around, and I wanted to use Eva for other purposes. The ship isn't sunk, it still exists in AU's. It's just not canon in End Run ;n;

Eva Edmunds: [link]
Colton McCarthur: [link]
© 2013 - 2024 DiamondxFire
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youngsherlockholmes's avatar
This still makes me sad. Well played, Colteva. Well played.